A strong bond between grandparents and their grandchildren can provide many benefits for all parties involved. A strong family connection not only allows for the passing down of shared history and culture, but also has been linked with emotional, cognitive and social benefits for both grandparents and teenage grandchildren.
For grandparents, research has identified cognitive benefits resulting from time spent with grandchildren. Specifically, when grandmothers spent a moderate amount of time caring for grandchildren, they experienced improvement on cognitive tasks[i]. A close bond with grandchildren also provides a connection with the younger generation and the expansion of new ideas and interests. Furthermore, grandparents often report a sense of pride and accomplishment resulting from passing down a shared history and cultural narrative, keeping family traditions and values strong.
For adolescents, there is repeated evidence that a bond with at least one grandparent helps increase emotional adjustment and wellbeing. This protective effect has been found to reduce the negative influence of peer problems, increase emotional stability and decrease acting out behaviors[ii]. This is especially true for adolescents and young adults that already have a close relationship with their parents.
Many times, grandparents are unsure of the best ways to connect with their adolescent grandchildren. The following ideas represent some suggestions to facilitate or strengthen relationships between these generations.
Use Technology
As technology continues to expand, it has become the primary way that we communicate with others in our lives. This is no longer only true for those that live far away, but also for those who live nearby. Free software, such as Face Time (Apple Products) and Skype, can allow opportunities for families to create intimate contact between visits or provide connection when availability, finances or health problems are barriers for travel.
Young adults also increasingly use text messages as their go-to method for connecting with others. Becoming comfortable with texting can be a great way to connect with your teenage grandchild throughout the week. Similarly, Facebook, a social networking site, offers the ability to send messages, share a word of encouragement or learn about your grandchild’s interests and daily life.
Make a Plan
It is extremely easy in our lives to become distracted by daily tasks and routines, causing us to lose sight of important values and relationships. Creating a plan to connect 1:1 can help ensure that you will have time to bond with your grandchildren. If you live out of town, this may include having a regular, planned Skype time or phone call. It may also involve making a commitment, if possible, to schedule vacations to visit or host grandchildren during the year. Planning an upcoming trip, as well as events you can enjoy together, are other great ways to strengthen a close connection.
Leave Room for Surprises
Letting your grandchild know that you are thinking about them can be a nice way to form a strong bond. Surprising your grandchild does not require expensive gifts or trips, but may include sending a care package of cookies or treating them to their favorite homemade meal. Out of town grandparents can also send an encouraging card or send family photos and share a story from their past.
In addition to these ideas, there are many ways to bond with your teenage grandchildren, including those unique to your family’s culture and traditions. Regardless of the form it takes, the benefits of strengthening your connection with your grandchildren can be significant for your life, your grandchildren’s lives, and perhaps even for society as a whole. At the end of the day, both grandparents and grandchildren have much to gain from a strong connection with one another.
[i] Burn, K., & Szoeke, C. (2015). Grandparenting predicts late-life cognition: Results from the Women’s Healthy Ageing Project. Maturitas, 81(2), 317-322.
[ii] Attar-Schwartz, S. (2015). Emotional closeness to parents and grandparents: A moderated mediation model predicting adolescent adjustment. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 85(5), 495.
Lindsey Harcus, Psy.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who specializes in working with adolescents and young adults, as well as in the treatment of self-injury. She is the creator of www.selfinjurydenver.com, an online resource for people who self-injure and those who love them. She also offers psychological services through her private practice, Colorado Wellness Alliance, located in the Denver area.