You raised your children and care for your grandchildren. You know that as your child grows, parenting begins to become an advisory role, the more diplomatic the greater the results. What, however, should be done when your child, with far less experience than you, begins to parent the grandchild you care about?
There are some key points to bear in mind even before we broach the subject of handling conflicts:
There has been more change in societal priorities and attitudes in the past 30 years than in any comparable period of time before.
Advances in medical research show that some of the information that was considered “common knowledge” even 20 years ago is considered outdated now. At the same time, ideas that were rejected in the latter half of the 20th century, but were considered to be good parenting for thousands of years before, have again proven their value. In short, attitudes and priorities are markedly different than those of the 1970s, 80s and 90s, often for the better.
Parenting is best done based on being in tune with one’s natural and G-d given sense of what is right and wrong. It is the parent who knows his or her child best and can best decide the right course. Coaching and encouraging your child, who is now a parent, to be in touch with that aspect of themselves is key.
What was wrong then is still usually wrong now, but concrete suggestions are better than criticisms. Suggest fun activities (and offer to participate in them – you’ll benefit too) instead of tackling a child’s overexposure to video games head on.
As to conflicts that do not fall within these guidelines, remember that being a parent, especially at the beginning, is a time, energy, thought and attention consuming task. I child, less inclined to take harshly offered advice as they get older, is even less inclined to do so at a time of challenge and stress.
In the end, remember the following. Factual information is always key and welcome. You can share your experiences and discuss the end results of certain actions, if they’re entirely similar to the situation at hand. Think things through, make sure that your advice absolutely fits the situation to the letter and pick your battles. Sparing advice is more readily listened to.
Yomin Postelnik is a writer and lecturer on ethical, societal and religious issues. His writing has been featured in American Thinker, Canada Free Press, the Jewish Press, American Daily Review and other outlets. He has served as a rabbinical advocate and attained his ordination in 2000.