I had a candid heart-to-heart conversation with an amazing young man one Sunday morning. We were sharing breakfast together at the park not far from my home. While I’m not certain whether my young friend understood everything I was saying, there was certainly a powerful connection between us. My new-found friend is ten months old. I call him YoYo, although he is more formally known as Joseph. He is my first grandchild!
It was an odd feeling becoming a grandparent. Unfortunately, when YoYo was born, neither his grandmother nor I were able to make the trip to Los Angeles. So during the past year we have been experiencing our grandchild through photographs, letters (not his), but his parents and his occasional cooing over the receiver. After months of incredible anticipation we finally met face to face when Deborah, our only daughter, and her husband Steve, came to our home at the time in Sydney, Australia.
During the three weeks of their visit, the fastest of my life, and amidst all the catching-up, sightseeing, dinners in and dinners out, YoYo and I seemed to come to an understanding of our relationship. From his perspective, he had my total and undivided attention any time he desired it, no small feat I can assure you. On my part, I was trying to adjust to the feeling of being somebody’s grandfather. It’s hard to explain: In some ways, it’s like being a father, while in practical terms, it’s one step removed, yet at the same time in an odd sort of way, it’s a step closer than fathering. If you are a bit confused, well, so am I. One thing is for sure: it feels good!
Finally, ‘D-Day’, dreadful day, arrived. The day you face when you say goodbye to loved ones. While everyone was scrambling to fold and pack and find things under beds and in cupboards, dry the last load of laundry, write the last email and make the last phone call, I looked at YoYo, who was sitting blissfully in the midst of total chaos and I decided that he and I needed some time alone. Having grabbed a handful of pancakes, YoYo and I went for a walk to the local park. I think that it was on this Sunday morning that the full impact of being a grandfather struck. It either happened when we stopped to admire some flowers or whether it was when a lady glanced at us in passing and I proudly announced that he was my grandson!
When we arrived at the park, we were chatting about YoYo’s father and how at ten months, YoYo already had his dad’s smile, his rhythm and his charm. Even though to the average listener, YoYo does not complete his words, let alone his phrases or sentences, I just knew what he was talking about. I told him that I finally understood Tevyeh, the milkman’s song in the famous play/movie “Fiddler on the Roof”: “Sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the years…”. I told him that he made me realize just how important time really is and which things in life are truly meaningful. As I rambled on, YoYo demolished his third pancake, smiling and cooing in-between two-fisted bites.
Did we really communicate? Did we really establish our relationship over pancakes in the park? I think so! You see, after all the talking was finished, both of us felt comfortable to just be ourselves with each other. Most importantly, our Sunday morning outing allowed me to make the journey to the next phase of my life.
Written by Dr. Ivan Lerner who is a world renowned clinical and industrial psychologist. His website is: http://rabbidrlerner.com/